Halloween havoc

My life is complete. I have seen something so ridiculous and disturbing that it has made me question my purpose on this earth and why there is not a law banning Halloween in Iowa City.

It began on the chilly Halloween Saturday night outside of Sports Column. Amidst the entourage of bumble bee bimbos and not so little Bo-Peeps stumbled a drunken six foot five gangly Spider Man followed closely by a slightly shorter and equally drunk Ninja, complete with face mask and katana sword. Two sinister looking bouncers in black t-shirts in turn followed them. While I was preparing myself to watch a cataclysmic beat-down, Spider Man and the Ninja had other plans. They, by some divine intervention, fire up a black moped and speed away just avoiding the bouncer's outstretched hands. They then proceed to fly down Dubuque Street going down the wrong side of the road, the Ninja waving his katana sword at oncoming traffic with vigor.

It is apparent that Halloween is used just like every other holiday in Iowa City. An excuse to get hammered and run around town in clothing Jenna Jameson would find offensive. I don't see any end to the madness in the near future but it makes me question whether the weight of academics makes people vault into disproportionate states of being when the time comes to celebrate. After observing the calm and peaceful demeanor of Iowa City during the summer it makes me sad to see what happens when mismanagement of time and purpose leads to Spider Man endangering the lives of pedestrians.

John LaRue
DI columnist