Thursday, June 21, 2007

Let me in...

(National Past-timers/Politicos),

I'm the consummate (ball-smasher/government-basher). For years, I have perfected my (swing/"by the people" speeches). And, while I may not be the best player in (baseball/Washington), I certainly have carved out a perfect niche for myself: (base hits/reducing taxes). Sure, I have some (sand in my protective cup/absurd ideas), I've made some poor (bets/party choices), but my (stats/roll-call votes) speak for themselves: I came to (Reds' Stadium/Capitol Hill) every day, fought off every (bad pitch/tax bill) released from the hand of (the pitcher/Jack Abramoff), and triumphed as the all-time (hits leader/anarcho-libertarian).

Now, (Bud Selig/party-line-toers) down at (the Baseball Hall of Fame/Iowans for Tax Relief) are trying to (downplay my statistical achievements/cast me into further obscurity) by barring me from the (Hall/Republican-candidate debate), though I am clearly meet the groups' criteria better than (any player who ever wore a mitt/Rudy, John, and Mitt).

Oh, well. Looks like I'll spend (the rest of my life/debate night) at the (track/Neglected and Battered Politicians Support Center).

Signed,

(Pete Rose/Ron Paul)

2 comments:

Jon Gold said...

As they say on the internet, lolz!!1!!

As an editor, I felt rather dirty writing that.

Mason Kerns said...

haha