Our liberties we prize and our rights we....oh whatever.

Only in Iowa.

I'm in my car yesterday, doing deliveries for my "real" job. Windows down, it's in the upper 50's, and for some reason it feels like a summer day, likely because this winter has been the mother bitch of all winters. The sun does enough for me that I don't need a jacket, and I've got a Cubs spring training game on the radio.

Then it happens.

During a break, I'm brought back to reality. I say I'm brought back to reality, but I can't quite convey the force of this action. Let's just say it was something like having an intense itch in your netherregion, but instead of using your hand to scratch it you used a cheese grater.

What brought me back was the forecast, or more specifically the "winter weather warning" that the announcer was droning about for parts of Iowa. 62 degrees, sunny, and less than 24 hours from an ass load of snow.

That's Iowa! Joy!

I'm annoyed by having two sets of clothes to switch back and forth between; summer and winter. I miss the convenience of wearing flip flops everywhere, of never needing a heater, of burning my hands when I touch the steering wheel. I'd rather deal with humidity and mosquitoes than a shovel and an icy sidewalk. And I'll take a hurricane over a tornado any day. With a hurricane, you buy lots of liquor, lots of food, and have friends over for a few days. With a tornado, you hop out of bed at two in the morning to shut the weather alarm off and scramble downstairs. Which one would you rather deal with?

I need cheesecake from European Street in Jacksonville. I need macadamia-encrusted grouper at Gypsy Cab in St. Augustine. I want to watch the shuttle take off in Titusville, cruise the bee line in a hard rain, and watch armadillos scurry away from me on the back nine at Disney's Magnolia course.

So spring break didn't work out, but the week after the semester is over I'm headed to the keys for ten days. Ten days to recharge my batteries so I can deal with this place a while longer. Don't get me wrong, I love that the average IQ here is so much higher, and you guys have great state parks. And the girls here are damn cute and they can actually hold an intelligent conversation.

But I've gotta get out of this place. You guys are driving me nuts with your parking ticket obsession.