Allegory of the cheese

So I know there will be some (Jon Gold) who will roll their eyes and mutter, "oh lord, not more cheese." Yet, the previous blog documenting my love of all things cheese was a necessary back story to the blasphemy I have committed. Furthermore, by my calculations, this blog is adequately inundated with political junkie narrative, thanks to non other than Christopher Patton. I believe, therefore, a little culinary humor is a welcome distraction.
I happen to be employed at Fairgrounds Coffeehouse. It is a vegan bakery here in Iowa City. As a lover off all things dairy it has been a eye opening occupation. I spoke to my dad, back in my first week. I promised him that if I became vegan, he was fully entitled to write me out of the will. My boss probably wouldn't be happy to hear that, but I'm a corn-fed hussie. I was raised on meat and potatoes. I bake my pies at home with bacon grease for the love of small children. My parents had a brain aneurysm when I told them I was becoming a vegetarian. Meat was something I could give up. Cheese is not.
This is why, as the cradle Catholic I am, I feel the need to confess my greatest sin. I had vegan nachos. I had vegan nachos and I loved them. I had to try it. The temptation was too great. Great meaning large or immense, I use it in the pejorative sense. So one day last week, after work, I bought some vegan nachos. I took them down to the Dublin Underground and researched an article as I scarfed down their cholesterol-free goodness. I sat in the subdued light of the Irish pub, to hide my shame. I was eating fake cheese and I was enjoying it immensely. I felt like the protagonist in Plato's allegory of the cave. I had stepped into the light and realised the heinous error of my ways. Even if that's not what the protagonist in Plato's allegory of the cave realizes. Vegan cheese is surprisingly delicious.
I would throw the Vegan Cow nacho cheese on to some elbow macaroni any day. The vegan brie is fantastic for dipping and the "swizz" was created for spreading. What is worse, the vegan sour cream is surprisingly delicious. I don't know what to do with myself. The more vegan products, that are all primarily made with tofu and vegetables and are therefore cholesterol-free, the more I realize I enjoy them. This is not to say that I am in any way capable of giving up milk. Soy milk is fantastic on cereal or with granola, but it fails to rival the awesomeness of cow milk. I could never give up milk, but I find myself fully open to the possibility of incorporating vegan "dairy" products into my diet. According to my boss, her sister, who is not vegan, utilized the vegan dietary plan for three months and lost 75 lbs. With such scrumptious options, I completely believe her.
Bless me lactose, for I have sinned. I have consumed vegan cheese and it is amazing.