Penn Mightier than the Sword

So it's finally here. No, not graduation--the Pennsylvania primary. I seriously never thought it'd come. It seems like years since the last set of primaries, yet the argument hasn't changed. Obama's and McCain are running in first place and Hillary Clinton is vying for the last Wild Card slot.

Wait, I'm confusing politics with baseball again.

Today we have stories about Earth Day, a student potentially being charged with WMDs, and at least one American spy. Yet the talk of the town--every town--is Pennsylvania. Seriously, I haven't seen this much interest in this state since Boyz II Men sang "Motown Philly" back when I was a kid. I'm not one to make predictions...actually, I'm always making predictions...so here goes: Hillary wins, Obama loses, but the margin of victory is so minuscule that it again appears that Obama can't be stopped. Business as usual for the Democrats, right?

Who would have thought Howard Dean could actually have chosen a more stressful job than running for president? (Especially after that infamous, uh, "heeeeeyyyyaaah.") No, that didn't even come close to this. Rumor has it that the DNC was so confident that a Democrat would win the White House that Dean set up shop in the West Wing after taking over the party's reigns. The word "oops" comes to mind.

I'm not saying the Democrats can't win in the general election this year--they still have a hell of a chance. But after a primary season like this, will anyone care about the general? It's already feeling like a bad sequel to a first movie that stretched on waaaay too long.

Hillary Clinton: 52 percent
Barack Obama: 47 percent
Joe Pa: 1 percent

Elite me

I think Hillary Clinton's recent broadside of outrage over Barack Obama's remarkably incisive analysis of the forgotten American working class is painfully staged, and drags the standard of debate active in this primary campaign still lower. Once again, as soon as Obama actually began to discuss issues -- and to offer a remarkably cogent argument why Pennsylvania should vote for him -- the Clinton camp freaked out and went into witless pandering overload.

As an overdue preface, here's the gist: Obama pointed out that working class folks in the Rust Belt have been getting screwed over by the decline in manufacturing jobs over that last 25 years, and that little has been done to help remake their communities. Therefore, he noted, incomes fall and people get bitter and search for something to "cling to" like "guns and religion." Hey, he's right! The fall of the unions, the decline of industrial jobs; this has made the Rust Belt measurably worse off.

But how dare he say that! How dare that mean ol' Obama insinuate that you Rust Belt voters are anything other than Mama Hillary's special little guys and gals (of the month)! What a big meanie?

What a joke. Her response was more saccharine and pious than diet communion wine. I hope Pennsylvanians are smart enough to realize when somebody's blowing smoke up their smokestacks.

Earth, water, and air for Clinton!

From WTHI in Terra Haute...

TERRE HAUTE, Ind. - Before Former President Bill Clinton arrived in Clinton, Ind. Friday morning, he made a surprise visit to the Clinton for President campaign office in Terre Haute.

The office was destroyed late Thursday night by fire.

Former President Bill Clinton met with fire officials investigating the scene.

Officials say the fire appears to be electrical, but they've called in the state fire marshal calling it a high profile fire.

Dammit, fire! You're so sexist! I'll bet you wouldn't burn an Obama office!?!? Y'know, fire, just because someone speaks eloquently doesn't mean that person is better than you or me.

You just wait until the superdelegates hear about this, fire.

The Hillary Clinton Experience

Clinton on her "experience." From Tuesday's Investor's Business Daily:

"You know," she said, "helping to support the peace process in Northern Ireland, negotiating to open borders so that (Kosovar) refugees fleeing ethnic cleansing would be safe, going to Beijing and standing up for women's rights as human rights and so much else."

First, she never played a key role in brokering peace in Northern Ireland, according to former first minister David Trimble (NASDAQ:TRMB) , who said she had no direct role in the talks. Her husband, the president, was engaged in the talks, yes, said Trimble.

Hillary also says she was instrumental in pressing Beijing on human rights. But she carried no official portfolio while speaking on women's rights there. In fact, Hillary did not attend any National Security Council meetings. She never sat in the Situation Room during Desert Fox or the Kosovo war, or read in on presidential security briefings. Nor was she part of the Cabinet.

Too bad they won't have another debate to discuss all this "experience." Maybe Chelsea can live in the White House with her should she win the nomination. That way, by the end of Hillary's second term, Chelsea will have 16 years of "experience."

And by this logic, Roger Clemens' wife might be a good candidate for the Cubs' fifth starter spot, right? After all, she's been around a lot of baseball, she's won a lot of championships.