Sir Charles Spouts Off

"Sir" Charles Barkley has recently voiced his ire over Auburn's new hire Gene Chizik as the coach of the Tigers football program. As most Hawkeye fans are aware, Chizik was the football coach for the Iowa State Cyclones for the past two seasons. He coached the Cyclones to a 5-19 record. Chizik is, however, not a complete shot in the dark by Auburn athletic director Jay Jacobs; Chizik was the defensive coordinator for the Tigers in 2004.

As an Auburn alumnus, self-proclaimed royalty and self-loving celebrity, Barkley - a former NBA star - exercised his regal right to voice his concerns for the future of Tiger football. Sir Charles believes the better choice was current Buffalo head coach Turner Gill. Gill recently lead the Bulls to a MAC conference championship and a 8-5 record. Barkley's biggest reason for wanting to hire Gill over Chizik is two-fold: Gill is a "terrific coach" and Auburn needed to "make a splash" with their new hire. Barkley went on to define "splash" as "creating a buzz" by hiring a black coach. Sir Barkley avows that race was the "No.1 factor" that Chizik was hired over Gill and argues "[y]ou can say it's not about race, but compare the two resumes and say [Chizik] deserved the job."

I agree with Barkley on the latter, a comparison of Chizik and Gill's resumes over the last two seasons is one-sided. Gill lead the Bulls to a 13-12 record; Chizik lead the Cyclones to a 5-19 record. However, in Gill's first year with Buffalo the Bulls compiled a 2-10 record. A coach's first year is always full of hiccups, so if you compare second seasons, Chizik goes 2-10 and Gill went 5-7. Again, the statistics clearly favor Gill. But to quote Barkley: "I don't use numbers, I use logic." So lets try to look outside the raw numbers at what Barkley may have used to form his logical conclusion that race was the number one reason Gill wasn't hired.

Prior to coaching at Buffalo, Gill was Director of Player Development for the Green Bay Packers and an assistant wide receivers coach. Previously, he coached Eric Crouch at the University of Nebraska, his alama mater, the year Crouch won the Heisman. Impressive credentials. I would agree this could qualify Gill as a "terrific coach."

Prior to coaching at Iowa State, was a defensive coordinator at Texas and Auburn. During this tenure both defenses were extremely strong. Auburn went undefeated in 2004 and the next year Texas won the National Championship, both while Chizik was at the helm of the defense. Equally impressive credentials to earn Chizik the moniker of "terrific coach."

One might argue that losing in the Big 12 North to the likes of Nebraska, Kansas, Missouri and to the powerhouses of the Big 12 South is more palatable than losing in the MAC conference. Buffalo is a small school in a small conference. One winning season doesn't necessitate a head coach position at an SEC school; of course, neither does two losing seasons in Ames. Perhaps the fact that Chizik has coached in the SEC is a tipping point?

Gill and Chizik were among a pool of at least 8 known potential hires. Assuming Gill was the only African-American in the pool, it doesn't mean he wasn't hired because he is black. Barkley's comments don't help Gill, nor do they help any of the other African-American coaches looking to get head coaching positions. Barkley wasn't part of the selection committee; he wasn't privy to the conversations between Jacobs and all of the candidates. An uninformed ego-manic playing the race card isn't logic and it isn't helpful. While I agree that African-American coaches are extremely underrepresented in college football, I doubt Barkley's blathering is going to ignite a hiring spree. Allow the younger coaches to cut their teeth - while finishing atop of the MAC East is an outstanding feat for Buffalo, 8-5 puts them in the middle of the pack in the MAC West. If the hiring continues to go to unproven white coaches, then let the accusations - er, logical deductions - fly.

Barkley should just shut his mouth about things of which he has no firsthand knowledge or involvement. If Auburn wanted to hire based on what Barkley wanted, then they would have asked for his astute opinion. My logic? I take guidance from only the most logical of sources: "I voice my opinion, if people don't like it they know what they can kiss."

Stupid Baseball Names (AKA Nate wigging out)

Every year, the NFL Draft gets me more excited than George Michael in a sex toy warehouse. I take the weekend off, and usually throw a big party, though this year I'm opting out of the party. I read up on all the prospects, I buy a disgusting amount of snack food and adult beverages, and I anticipate the draft like a kid on Christmas morning.

No shit. I'm very, very excited.

So I've been reading over all these draft guides and mock drafts, taking in all the names and bios, and all these names got me thinking. So...

In the spirit of Atari Bigby, Key-Yon Rambo, and former Philadelphia 76er World B. Free, I give you the two most annoyingly stupid names in baseball. I'm sure there's more to come.

• Phillies CF Shane Victorino. Victorino? Really? The first time I heard this name, I was in the car listening to the Cubs play Philadelphia, and the announcer kept saying his last name over and over, without the "Shane." So I thought the guys name was Vic Dorino, or Vic Torino. It was only after the play-by-play guy said it over and over that I realized it was Victorino. He said it so much I feared my ears were bleeding, so I had to turn it off out of pure annoyance, I slapped the radio knob, literally yelling at my dashboard. Victorino? WTF? Why not Loserino, Achieverino?
• Rockies CF Ryan Spilborghs. WTF? What, you had cups of Romulans, Talaxians, and Borgs, and you decided to spill the latter (who says dorks can't be funny)? What kind of drunk European ancestor, after eating too much rotted fish, decided on that name? Being in the midwest, I hear a lot of Fjellands and Torgenfels and other bizarre Scandinavian names, but Spilborghs? Blech. Never mind, I feel bad for the kid.
  

Penn Mightier than the Sword

So it's finally here. No, not graduation--the Pennsylvania primary. I seriously never thought it'd come. It seems like years since the last set of primaries, yet the argument hasn't changed. Obama's and McCain are running in first place and Hillary Clinton is vying for the last Wild Card slot.

Wait, I'm confusing politics with baseball again.

Today we have stories about Earth Day, a student potentially being charged with WMDs, and at least one American spy. Yet the talk of the town--every town--is Pennsylvania. Seriously, I haven't seen this much interest in this state since Boyz II Men sang "Motown Philly" back when I was a kid. I'm not one to make predictions...actually, I'm always making predictions...so here goes: Hillary wins, Obama loses, but the margin of victory is so minuscule that it again appears that Obama can't be stopped. Business as usual for the Democrats, right?

Who would have thought Howard Dean could actually have chosen a more stressful job than running for president? (Especially after that infamous, uh, "heeeeeyyyyaaah.") No, that didn't even come close to this. Rumor has it that the DNC was so confident that a Democrat would win the White House that Dean set up shop in the West Wing after taking over the party's reigns. The word "oops" comes to mind.

I'm not saying the Democrats can't win in the general election this year--they still have a hell of a chance. But after a primary season like this, will anyone care about the general? It's already feeling like a bad sequel to a first movie that stretched on waaaay too long.

Hillary Clinton: 52 percent
Barack Obama: 47 percent
Joe Pa: 1 percent

Classy

Bottom of the fourth inning, Cubs up to bat against the Pirates at Wrigley. Fukudome hits one into deep center, where the Pirates CF Nate McClouth underestimated the wind and had the ball drift over his head. McClouth had to run up to the ivy and grab the ball.

When he did, a fan dumped a beer on his head.

I laughed when I saw it. To McClouth's credit, he didn't skip a beat, grabbing the ball and getting it in quickly (but not quickly enough). It's funny, but dumb. Cubs fans at Wrigley, as a general rule, are drunken boobs (especially the ones in the bleachers). That kind of behavior is to be expected. The outfield bleachers are a motley gallery of shirtless ex-frat brahskis with their trophy girlfriends, spoiled brat burb-kids who took daddy's Land Rover dowtown to see the game instead of going to school, and well-sauced middle-aged gomers who spend the entire game yelling gynecological references about the opposing outfielder's mother. It's a freak show. I love Wrigley, and I will always love my Cubbies, but it's embarrassing.

What bothers me more than the waste of a $5 Old Style is the fact that, on the replay, WGN cut the footage of the offending fan.

I'm sick of the Tribune Co. acting like their fans are sacred. Things like this happen all the time, and the Worlds Greatest Newspaper, along with the rest of TribCo, sweep it under the rug. No wonder Reds announcer Marty Brenneman called Cubs fans the most obnoxious and annoying in sports earlier this week when Cincinnati was in Chicago. Brenneman's a jackass, but so are a lot of Cubs fans, and so are the heads at 435 North Michigan.

April Fool

There are certainly a lot of candidates for this prestigious award, and I couldn't decide on the eventual victor until just a few hours ago. Thank God a fool emerged on this day to accept the honor.

Today, April Fool's Day, former Marquette University basketball coach Tom Crean rises above them all. Perhaps I'm biased. Okay, of course I'm biased. A Milwaukee native, I grew up watching Warrior (that's not a typo and doesn't need to be corrected) basketball. I spent my freshman year of college in the Milwaukee area and saw just about every home game that season. Now, it seems, Crean is Big Ten-bound as ESPN has announced he's finalized a deal to make him the new head coach at Indiana.

Crean led the Warriors (er, Golden Eagles) to the Final Four when I was in high school and has remained one of the best coaches in college basketball. Sure, Marquette hasn't had much luck in the NCAA tournament the last few years, but they were literally a shot away from the Sweet 16 this year until one of Stanford's Lopez brothers (who can tell them apart?) hit a last-second shot in overtime to win the game.

The Hoosiers haven't had the best of luck this season. Former coach Kelvin Sampson was removed after multiple violations that rocked the program. From what I'm reading around the web, it doesn't look like Indiana is going to bring a great deal of talent to the floor next year; but if anyone can whip them into shape, it's Tom Crean.

Still, Marquette's a better bet in a better town, even if it's not a better program. More frustrating yet, I was really banking on Marquette for graduate school next spring. No, a coaching change isn't going to keep me away, but I'll be mourning this loss for a while. What kind of year of 2008 shaping up to be? Brett Favre retires, Tom Crean leaves town...seriously, if the Brewers don't deliver soon, I'm going to Boston College.

Ton Crean: April Fool for 2008.