Stupid Baseball Names (AKA Nate wigging out)

Every year, the NFL Draft gets me more excited than George Michael in a sex toy warehouse. I take the weekend off, and usually throw a big party, though this year I'm opting out of the party. I read up on all the prospects, I buy a disgusting amount of snack food and adult beverages, and I anticipate the draft like a kid on Christmas morning.

No shit. I'm very, very excited.

So I've been reading over all these draft guides and mock drafts, taking in all the names and bios, and all these names got me thinking. So...

In the spirit of Atari Bigby, Key-Yon Rambo, and former Philadelphia 76er World B. Free, I give you the two most annoyingly stupid names in baseball. I'm sure there's more to come.

• Phillies CF Shane Victorino. Victorino? Really? The first time I heard this name, I was in the car listening to the Cubs play Philadelphia, and the announcer kept saying his last name over and over, without the "Shane." So I thought the guys name was Vic Dorino, or Vic Torino. It was only after the play-by-play guy said it over and over that I realized it was Victorino. He said it so much I feared my ears were bleeding, so I had to turn it off out of pure annoyance, I slapped the radio knob, literally yelling at my dashboard. Victorino? WTF? Why not Loserino, Achieverino?
• Rockies CF Ryan Spilborghs. WTF? What, you had cups of Romulans, Talaxians, and Borgs, and you decided to spill the latter (who says dorks can't be funny)? What kind of drunk European ancestor, after eating too much rotted fish, decided on that name? Being in the midwest, I hear a lot of Fjellands and Torgenfels and other bizarre Scandinavian names, but Spilborghs? Blech. Never mind, I feel bad for the kid.