Dodging the bullet

Though it may seem counterintuitive, I would like to commend Mitt Romney for doing his country a great service. As the former Governor has shown, one man truly can have a great and positive impact on society. I am, of course, referring to Romney’s decision to suspend his campaign which—if successful—could only have led to one thing: 8 more years of ineptitude, and enough shitty commercials to bring down a horse.

Never has this been more clear than after Romney offered the “rationale” for his decision, at which time he unintentionally reestablished the importance of actually having rationale (the scientific community loves it.) In claiming that losing to the Democrats would be to “surrender to terror,” Romney once again made it painfully clear that he has not yet developed a strong understanding of…well…anything.

Party ideals aside, Romney isn’t good for anyone, not even Romney. His frequent flip-flopping on value-based issues shows that his only real determination is to gain the favor of those to whom he is most closely situated. Moreover, he doesn’t seem to care how ridiculous his promises are, so long as they sound good at the time. Unwilling to be defeated by John McCain in Michigan, Romney promised its unemployed citizens that, if he won, they would all promptly get their jobs back. Unfortunately, the implausibility of such a statement is overshadowed only by the laughable claim that Romney might actually be the person most likely to do it.

Hence, Mitt Romney is an American hero. When the time came for him to pack up his crayons and bid his Presidential hopes farewell, he did so without complaint. From what I can gather, Romney was unwilling to play a part in what surely would have been our complete and utter surrender to arrogance, stupidity, and a mindless ad campaign the likes of which this world has never seen.