Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The Voice of Reason: Creationism meets Evolution

(I've decided to "seriously" tackle issues that have become the foundation of the conservative movement--of course, this can only be accomplished with a sense of humor. That said, why not start with the Grand Daddy of them all (not the Rose Bowl, either): Creationism!)

If you stare directly into the sun and squint just right, you can see the Creator's eye. To even suggest that creationism could meet evolution, as the title of this piece suggests, is incorrect, as they've never co-existed. An example of creatures that have co-excisted: Dinosaurs and man. You can't squeeze the entire history of Earth into a few thousand years without overlapping, right?

The Bible should be taken literally because, though its content reads like a fantasy novel, it's the word of God--the Creator. We've been told this by clergy, who have never steered us wrong in the past. What has science created? Doubt, perhaps, but nothing useful. No, evolution is simply a theory, much like global warming actually. Deep see creatures that eventually lose their eyesight (or eyes altogether) are merely chosen by the Creator to lose that eyesight. Why, if they cannot see in the dark and murky water, the Creator is brilliant in His decision to remove those eyes altogether. Spokespeople for the Creator deny future plans to equip humans with the gift of flight, however. In a press release, His PR department indicated that, with rising fuel efficiency standards, human flight just isn't in the cards.

Besides, creationism has evolved itself. We creationists are reasonable, and, responding to calls for a scientific base, have introduced intelligent design. The premise is simple and scientific. The earth has changed (not evolved) because a designer guided those changes. It wasn't natural selection. This is scientific for several reasons detailed here:

See, doesn't that make sense? Your computer didn't evolve from a calculator! No, somebody created the technology that allowed for your calculator to play solataire; download porn; and religiously (no pun intended) read the DI blog. In the same sense, somebody designed us, changed us when necessary, and helps us along. SCIENCE!

It may be confusing, and you may not agree. But with time, and faith, you'll see the light. Now I know what you're thinking: If it takes faith to accept this idea, then it must be religious and not scientific. Not true! You have faith that your TV will work when you turn it on, right? But that's not the same type of faith, you argue. I respond, ever so politely, of course it is!

Are you even more confused? Good. You should be. The answers should never be clear. When did clarity do anything? Keep wondering, questioning, and assuming. No, believing!

Best wishes,

The GOD Squad

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