'Tis the season

In a couple of weeks another semester and another year will be added to the annals of history. Soon grades will be final, and some Hawkeyes will move their tassel from student to alumni. Many of us find ourselves with moments of regret as a course load, college career, or calendar year come to an end. The Tuesday night when your best friend convinced you that dollar-you-call-it was a good way to overcome writer's block. The course you forgot to drop or the term paper you forgot to turn in. And don't even bring up the new year's resolutions that remain unchecked. All in all, December can be a season full of what-ifs and coulda-shoulda-wouldas.

Luckily, it's also the season of giving. We can deflect any sense of guilt and repent for our shortcomings through holiday shopping. The more we give to others, the better we can feel about ourselves. It's the American way; I mean that's the only plausible explanation for the large gift I'm giving to Wall Street and the Big Three, right?

But anyways, in an effort to fully embrace this season of discontent over the past and wealth-spreading I have decided to speak about my great regret. Now this regret isn't related to schoolwork or resolutions; rather it's an innocence lost. A piece of bliss I can never regain, because I'm no longer ignorant. And it boils my blood every day.

About two years ago my best friend asked me a simple question, "Have you noticed the arrow on the FedEx truck?" I had not. What I didn't realize then was that what was about to be explained would change my life forever. Therefore, I want to make sure you, the reader, have an opportunity that I did not. Stop Reading Now. Close your eyes. Put on some soothing holiday music like Nat King Cole or Bing Crosby and forget you ever read that question. You'll thank me in the morning.

Now that it's just us sadists, I will continue with my story. On that night two years ago, I was informed that in between the "e" and the "x" is rightward pointing arrow. I thought to myself that my friend must be mistaken because I had never seen the arrow, and I had seen a fair number of FedEx trucks and commercials. Oh, but it's there. And now it wrecks my world.

I no longer see "FedEx" when a truck goes by. All I can see is that damn arrow. I even try to convince myself that I won't see the arrow or that I can read the company name without interruption. Failure, time and time again. So, in the true spirit of the season, I am passing my knowledge on to you. I hope my gift brings you as many happy memories as it as brought me.

Just remember, 'tis the season to keep on giving.