An Open Letter To Bathroom Slobs

To whom it may concern:

Everyone has to use public restrooms. That's why we call them "public." So stop defiling them with your filth.

In case you are unaware of the standards of common decency, here are a few examples of things not to do in a public restroom:
- Neglecting to flush a toilet--particularly if you've shat in it.
- Pissing on a toilet seat.
- Leaving tissues, newspapers, or other assorted trash all over the floor.
- Spitting gum in a urinal or sink.
- Splashing a large amount of water onto the counter around a sink.

You can be extremely glad that I do not have dictatorial powers. If I did, I would make all of you damned philistines clean up the messes you leave with your tongues. Repeat offenders would be exiled from civilized society and left to die in the wilderness where scavengers could at least make use of their corpses.

Please, do your part to help forestall my murderous rage--simply don't be an inconsiderate slob.

Sincerely,

Christopher Patton